Subject: Aruba

     Dear Atta,
     
     I noticed that The Guide Was missing an important country for the 
     Discriminating Gentleman : Aruba.
     I was there in October of 1996 and I had the chance to observe 
     nightlife and customs of the place thoroughly enough for a review. I 
     will write separate sections about :
     
     Accommodations
     Local People and Tourists
     Beaches
     Food
     Nightlife
     Night Ladies
     
     Accommodations
     Aruba has a pretty wide range of accommodations, varying from the big 
     American chains - Marriott, Hilton and so on, to residences. I don't 
     know the prices of the big joints but my advice is to get quotes from 
     various travel operators, including the windsurf travel ops. windsurf 
     is really big on the island so these guys have good connections and 
     good prices. Something like travel + 1 week, 750 $, food excluded 
     [from the US]. Their residences are pretty decent and especially MAKE 
     SURE YOU GET AIR CONDITIONING. Most of the people in the local tourist 
     industry are local, of course, and Dutch, both of which are very good 
     mannered people and they really mind their business when it's about 
     your "guests". You can elect to stay in the (only) city or outside of 
     it, which doesn't really matter since taxis are cheap, about 5-10 
     bucks on the average. Car rentals abound too. Should anybody ask, you 
     are going to learn to windsurf.
     
     Local People and Tourists
     Local Folks, at a first glance, look kind of scary. They reminded me 
     of people from unsavory neighborhoods of the city I live in. They are 
     very courteous and serviceable to the tourist though, they will give 
     you exactly what you ask them, they won't rob you, and you are safe 
     walking at night in Aruba. It's just that damn look..
     Tourists are for the most part on packages, mostly from the States, 
     Holland, Scandinavian countries, Austria, Switzerland. The gringos are 
     basically only families or couples, staying mostly in the big hotels, 
     and I think the reason being that Aruba must be the cheapest or one of 
     the cheapest Caribbean spots from the states. Mostly 
     nearly-trailer-trash people. I have not seen  any single Northamerican 
     girls or, for that matter, a single decently looking Northamerican 
     girl during the whole length of my trip. These people are on packages 
     : they never go out of the hotel or go to night clubs, they don't have 
     the money. European people have to shell out more money to get to 
     Aruba so there are more youngsters between them, but again because of 
     packages, they go to one place and sip their one small beer for three 
     hours.
     
     Beaches
     Two flavors : free beaches and hotel beaches. You can still go to 
     hotel beaches, but it's only old and married people so you WILL be 
     alone. The free beaches are good but if you go for companionship, keep 
     in mind that you will find couples for the 85% and the rest are cheap 
     European girls that are thinking every five seconds how much will it 
     cost to put more suntan lotion on their buttocks. If you find yourself 
     hitting on Europeans with ease, go for it. Be warned : eurochicks will 
     want a real romance from you, with all the related mind trips, they 
     consider intercourse a mere byproduct of that.
     
     Food
     Aruba is also called a "dry" island. It is not related to alcohol, 
     it's just that there are no sources of natural water. So nothing but 
     coconuts grows on the island. They IMPORT FISH from the States [!]. 
     Nothing is not imported. This may explain the two different kinds of 
     food you can find on the island : fast food - steak house food. 
     Nothing in between. Actually you have medium priced restaurants but 
     you will soon learn not to eat there. My advice is to eat at Wendy's 
     for most of your trip, and when you feel like good food, go to a steak 
     house. They have Argentinean steaks that are the best in the world. 
     you will pay something around 30-40$ and you will go back. DO NOT eat 
     at the Paddock, unless you only want French fries. It will make you 
     feel stupid to eat poisonous food after a 1.5 hour wait. They also say 
     on the guide that you get at the airport that because lifestyle is 
     slow you should expect good but slow service. It is crap. Good places 
     have good service, bad places have bad service. Just leave and go next 
     door. They won't say anything. Without tourism they are dead.
     
     Nightlife
     You only need bother with two places : The Cheers bar, and The Cellar, 
     a discotheque.
        The Cheers 
     It is a bar with a small dancing floor. You have a lot of local 
     people, some windsurfers and a few Argentinean males, who are the only 
     people not on a package and spend big at the hotel and the casino. 
     There is a lot of salsa playing, and you can find somebody to mingle 
     with. In my experience, the locals will not mingle with you, but as 
     usual they will be very nice with you.
     
        The Cellar
     You only want to go there to pick up girls. You will only find Dutch or 
     other European girls, and the place is boiling hot. People sweat so 
     much that the floor is wet and slippery, including the stairs. As 
     usual, you will have to pay for their drinks and stay up late speaking 
     about psychology and their childhood to get some, the day before you 
     leave, once. Also they will require that you go back to the same 
     place, with the horrible heat and sweat.
     
     All other places contain couples, of all kinds, but always with one 
     more male than you need.
     
     Night Ladies
     Many of you will be disgusted by the lengthy descriptions I have given 
     and will be barking: where is the beef? Right here, pals!
     Aruba is the place where you go to get the knockout of your life. The 
     Ladies are all from Colombia and Venezuela. You will also find some 
     dogs, but tip them and they will take them to the beauties [not more 
     than $20, AFTER they take you to the place. Flash money in their face. 
     ]. I only have found two places where you can go and BAM!, get them. 
     Wait till 12pm and then from the Cheers, walk to the Cobalt Club. 
     Don't enter, just stay right in front of the door and have a cigarette 
     or two. when you see single girls, smile to them. If they came over to 
     you, they are Ladies. Should you get bored to wait, walk to the 
     Sonesta Casino [3 minute walk]. Circle around casually , downstairs 
     from the Casino and smile to single girls. Once you find them, they 
     will rarely be more than average. If you speak Spanish, pick the one 
     that looks the smartest, if you don't, pick the one that speaks 
     English. Flash a twenty, and instruct her to find you a beautiful 
     Lady. She will try very hard to be your Lady, but be firm and get her 
     to find you a Queen. Whatever she will say about the day after is a 
     lie : she will promise she will find one tomorrow and so on. I could 
     not find out where they spend the early hours of the night, but she 
     will also be able to tell you the usual hangouts. They should 
     basically be the big hotels and the casinos. Just start from the first 
     night and find their hangouts. If you ask locals or cab drivers, the 
     Ladies don't exist, because you can just pick up a nice girl and have a 
     good time...
        
        The place
     I have read in the WSG a lot of bad stuff about Southamerican places 
     that charge you to have company in your room, your host has to 
     register and follies of the kind. In Aruba, if you are staying in a 
     residence, there is nothing to be worried about. I don't know about 
     the big hotels, but in general, the tourist is always right in Aruba.
     
        Your Wallet
     Once you find a Lady that you like, she will ask you 100us$, 
     independently from her looks. If she is a dog, you can go down a lot, 
     even to 40$. If she is not, you can bargain on the services rendered. 
     Remember, you will only get what you have contracted for. Be specific 
     and very firm. See some other WSG report for the details of 
     bargaining, but bargain hard. There are a lot of Ladies on the island 
     and the competition is fierce, because of the travel package people 
     that cannot spend money. DO NOT disrespect the Ladies. They know 
     people that you DO NOT WANNA MEET. You can also get her to spend some 
     days with you, but be aware that she will try to get you to buy her 
     the whole island, so account for that in the bargaining process. You 
     can have a lot of average Ladies or just one Queen that will stick in 
     your memory for a long time. I personally go for the latter. I had the 
     chance to meet a Queen right away, but you might have to look harder 
     than that. Remember, bargain hard. You have the chance to find a young 
     and extremely attractive girl for pocket change: you won't find that 
     opportunity back in the States. Go for it !

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